Bitch, you look like Carmen Miranda!
man on 16th street.  I really don’t.  Not even a little bit.  

Lady in red! Can I carry you?
man on Fulton st.

You look like pretty Kool-aid.
man on Sixth Ave. Ummm…thanks? Shut up? IDK.

You kinda fine, girl. With your black, thick Jessica Rabbit ass. Be humble.
man on 6th avenue.  Why dudes gotta be trying to keep my vanity in check?   #stuckupfatgirl

I like that afro, mama. That’s natural. That’s real. That’s all your poufy shit right there. That’s real.
man on Gates Av. It took me a minute to realize he said “poufy”.

I don’t know if anyone’s told you, but God has a blessing with your name on it. That’s a lovely dress.
woman on Fulton St.

Can I sing you a song and put cucumbers on your eyes?
Man on A train.    I will never be able to enjoy a spa treatment again.  Thanks for that.

Big girl! Have you had breakfast? I can make you cheese grits!
man on Marcus Garvey. He doesn’t know I think grits taste like hot sand porridge.

Well, don’t you look bloody delicious today! Bloody delicious!
a woman on W. 23rd street who was either English or a vampire.

Ay! Big Bitch! You don’t have enough flowers in your hair.
Man in the 14th Street Subway station In his defense, I am only wearing one flower in my hair today. In other news, I think Big Bitch is my new MC name.

You looking good in that green dress, ma. You looking like a boomcookie.
man on my block. I really hope “boomcookie” isn’t something vulgar.

Big Girl! Big Bitch! Slow down! I wanna read your pants!
-man on 14th St and 3rd Ave.

I totally forgot I was wearing newsprint leggings until this ignoramus screamed at me.

"Darlin’, you need to give me that hair." -old lady on Marcus Garvey

That’s what I love about living in Bed Stuy. Fly old women who let you know sideways that they’ll rock your look better than you.

"I’ma call you Miss Bakery ‘cause you got all the cake."
-man in a crowd of dudes in front of Apex Technical School

"Big Girl! I’m gonna let you do my hair someday!"
-Man in production crew shooting on the street near my job. First time I’ve ever been catcalled to be someone’s hairdresser.